The last stretch

Dear everyone,


Happy Thanksgiving! 


First off, I want to thank all my awesome Lincoln peeps-- Thanksgiving was great! I got several emails and Facebook messages wishing me a Happy Turkey Day and celebrated last night with the Shepherds, who cheerfully ate all the random, American dishes I put before them. I made my family's dressing for the first time ever and managed to whip up a delicious pumpkin pie. (And now get to enjoy left overs for lunch, lol).
I missed my family a bit but Rachel took off work and Neil was home sick so I never had to be alone. We also made it out to the cinema (true Smith-family style holiday) and saw Arthur Christmas-- a brilliant Christmas film with Hugh Laurie and James McAvoy voicing the sons of Santa. 

I was sad not to get to Skype my family but we did Facebook and I should be able to call them this weekend. 

And, in less than two weeks, I will be home! 

It's mad to think that I've almost been here for five months-- I ran a Holiday Club, finished my classes for DBU, traveled all around England, worked with five weekly clubs, seen Chatsworth House (the likely model for Pemberly), organized the children's ministry supplies, reorganized Jonathan's office, started a small group, taught several levels of Sunday school, learned how to lead worship, and more in just this amount of time. I've had some days when I wanted nothing more than to hop on the next plane to Texas. But I've had more days of being astounded by the warm welcome, total acceptance, and general love of this church. I have so many wonderful friends here and have really enjoyed working with all the kids-- from the sixth-month-old who I've literally watched grow to the preschoolers who steal my biscuits and the youth kids that come to everything and those that maybe come once a week.

This afternoon, I was just thinking about what happens next. I go home, graduate, have Christmas and New Years, and then.... well, God only knows. I have been invited to come back and we are praying about that. There is talk of staying with my grandmother or substitute teaching. I've even applied to some grown-up jobs, though I've yet to hear back from any of them. (Ka, can I please come back to the UWC???) It's funny, three years ago, I claimed to not be cut out for children or youth ministry, to only be helping until they found someone better, and that babysitting and tutoring kids were alright but I would never want a job working with kids. God laughed. Somehow, I have gone from leading worship on Wednesday nights and being the Sunday-School-Hermione to being, well, a youth ministry. A children's worker. Someone who crowed with delight when she got handed the six-month-old this morning. I've been reading these books on youth ministry and thinking I am too young for this! I don't have anything wise to say-- I haven't lived enough yet! I don't have any sort of Bible degree and there is no way I will every find chubby bunny funny and then the verse from Timothy popped into my head "Don't let anyone look down upon you because you are young, but be an example for the believers in speech, in life, in faith and in purity" (1 Timothy 4:12). 

So yeah, I don't really know where God is taking me in January. Currently, I would like to come back. I feel like my work here isn't finished. We went to a youth leaders forum on Monday night and now I have soo many ideas for a ministry I am about to leave! I don't know if  God is calling me to full-time children's and youth work but I do know he has a plan for me. 

These past few months, I have been able to use my natural leadership abilities (called 'bossy'-- ask my mom or any of my old babysitters) along with the things I learned at DBU, TCAL, and Fortress to fill in the needs here, creating a role that covers under for my leadership and covers over for the people I am responsible for. I was so afraid to start Harbour (our college and uni Bible study) but it's become one of my favorite programs. I didn't think I could lead worship without becoming a diva but God has allowed me to use my talents and helped me keep my ego in check. He has taken me so far beyond what I thought I was capable of (this internship, in my mind, was update the website and follow the youth and children's minister around... hahaha!). I am so honored to be a part of the thriving ministries God has based at Lincoln Baptist Church. 

I can't wait to be home; I really do miss you all horribly. Every now and then, I get a bit nervous about the future. But God keeps telling me to rest in him. It's so great to serve a God who has it all figured out-- so I don't have to! 

I guess we will see what January brings!

Please pray for my last week and for the church, that any hole I leave will be filled and for their own direction in the new year. 

How can I pray for you? 

Internationally yours,

Cait

PS: Thanks for being patient and keeping up with these posts-- I appreciate all of you who read these and pray for me!

Ouch

Not gonna lie, it's been a fairly cruddy day. Yesterday I had an old lady be rude to me at the train station. I deserved it-- I left my bags on a bench rather than putting them on the nasty wet ground while I waited for my ride. I let her and her friend have the seat I was going to sit in but left my bags out of thoughtlessness, germaphonia, and a whole host of other stupid reasons. Rather than ask me to move my bags, she made a really cutting remark as they left. She probably had a bad day, her feet hurt, there was a big group of them and she wanted to be alone. But I chose to be selfish and leave my bags. She chose to be nasty about it when leaving when there was no way to fix the situation. She could have noticed my distraction (racing from door to window), she could have asked me to move them. But she didn't. And I wasn't noble, thoughtful, smart, kind, etc. enough to do it on my own. Now I am dwelling and trying to forgive myself for being dumb and her for calling me out on it in a mean way. But it's really hard.

Today is gray, drizzle as far as the eye can see. I have a looooong post-vacation to-do list and part of this included getting my dance shoes looked at because part of the heel came out. I called the dance shop and he told me to come by and he could work with the shoe company from there. I thought I adequately explained what was wrong with my shoes on the phone (the spindle and rubber bit on one heel came off) but apparently jot. I walked the two miles out to the shop (other errands meant going via foot rather than bus was less confusing). I showed him the shoes and he lectured me in a thick accent on how this is just wear and tear and how could I expect him to do anything and why was I wasting his time and he couldn't believe I would even bother him with this. I said okay about 20 times and walked out pretty much in tears. I didn't know that dance shoes wear out so quickly-- my Capezios lasted though two musicals and three months of swing dancing. These lasted two months. When I tried to explain my other shoes lasted much longer and thus I expected these similarly-priced and -advertised shoes to last as long but obviously not, I will just go now, sorry to bother you--  he continued to rant about how I wasted his time and it was just wear and tear. Ug. I felt so stupid and so looked down upon.

Between those two encountered, the long drizzly walk, and immense wave of homesickness, I found myself despising Lincoln (because people are so much nicer back home... Not so much. People are people everywhere and they are grumpy or rude or thoughtless everyday, everywhere. Welcome to the fallen creation known as Earth.) And because Oxford and Stratford are so much prettier. And there I could be the young American tourist. Here I have to be something of an adult.

I picked up the box from my mom, found a coffee shop and had peppermint tea while opening the box and reading the comics, which did actually make me laugh. And I put on my music and got two great songs right off the bat: Let it Go by Superchick and Sunrise by Brandon Heath. Now Falling out by Reliant K is on.

I just got back from a great trip around England and I loved the trip. But I didn't make time for my usual Bible study routine and my exercise routine while away, so my spiritual barriers were down. Little things have jerked me sharply back to reality and my emotions are not at all being logical. I feel like I'm on this roller coaster of being really happy and wanting to collapse and cry (yeah, the whole month thing doesn't help). Today, and last night really, I jut felt wry homesick and weary, very much under attack. On my end, I have gotten back into my Bible study and prayer routine, I've got my Air 1 (Christian radio) mix on my iPod, and I am going for a nice jog this afternoon. Could you please be praying for me? I have a month and two weeks left and I refuse to let Satan pull me to pieces. This trip to England is not about me-- it's about living my life for Chris, about sharing Him with the kids that come to our church, and about pouring my gifts and strengths into strengthening this church. God doesn't need me but e gave me this awesome opportunity. So please pray I stand strong and not be afraid to share my struggles. Pray thy God reveals his face and power to me and then through me. Pray that I just feel better.

Thank you for reading, for caring, for praying.

I would like to be praying for you as well-- just let me know what I can pray for.

Thank you.

Internationally yours,
Cait

PS sharing all this rather than bottling it up has helped as well. Thanks for reading.

PPS Since writing this, I looked around my room at all my cards, listened to some really good music, had lunch, and cleaned my room. I feel much more sane now. But the whole point is that what I feel doesn't matter! God is in control and it is what He feels and He wants that I need to be focused on. And in the end, what is a terrible, horrible, no good day really depends on my perspective and how I chose to react to what I cannot change!